I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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