Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
