i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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