i just had sex bonerless
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
