this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
