Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
