My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
