All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
