yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
