i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize