at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
