Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
