Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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