She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
