I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
