Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
