Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
