I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
