yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
