I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
