So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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