I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
there is glitter all over my balls
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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