he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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