I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
