lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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