Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
