You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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