I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
