I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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