I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
