are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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