it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
