We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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