I hate your face
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
