pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
