Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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