told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
