I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
