Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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