I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
