tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
