You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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