i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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