I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
