I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
