i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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