My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
