I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
