Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
