Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
