Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
