butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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