I CAN MOONWALK!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
