Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize