everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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