Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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