I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
