I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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