Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
