Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
