I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
