I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
