i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
