Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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