Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
