so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
