I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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