I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize