Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize