I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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