wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
