it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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