Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
