i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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