I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
