i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
