Someone shit on the floor
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
