So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
