Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
