how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
