We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
