4 words: hood of his car
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
