question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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