you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
